unconditional love

i know i know. dear readers must be fuming up with all the "why-arent-you-mugging-now?" mindset. i know i'm supposed to be mugging, but its the weekend! (SO? O'Level is still on!!) yeah. but you see. i'm rather happy now that most of the core subjects are over. such as Literature. i nearly died while studying it. while actually, i didnt study hard enough. i didnt really study for my subjects, not till the night before. (i snoozed for six hours in the afternoon. and watched tv for two hours in the night) yeah. truthfully. i can only study in the night. i suspect i'm nocturnal. well anyway, i wanna speak of my testimony to everyone.

Had my social studies paper a few days ago. and the night before, i was really at the extreme of giving up the subject(studying all sec 3 and 4 chpts), when this plague caught my eye. it says "the Joy of the Lord is my strength". and i suddenly thought of what pastor prince said. "When He has blessed you once, He will continue to." yeah and thats true. so i prayed and asked for God's guidance and He told me to study Switzeland. I trusted Him and guess what. Switzeland came out! Praise God! before entering the hall, i was telling wosssta to moan for me if switzeland doesnt come out, but my Father is faithful, and i managed to answer the questions. :) grace grace. He's so awesome.

same for Lit. i studied only the themes and one of the questions matched what i've studied. i must say God is so good. He's so awesome. so magnificant. so wonderful. so glorious! I love Jesus! weeee! even though i dont deserve good grades, He is willing to give them to me. so to all O' level-ers, dont give up yea? trust God and He will give it to you. and thats no folks!

anyway, i guess i'm rather upset about the fact i'm not going for CI course. i would love to, but well.. it just cant be help. never would i want to fight for a place with the rest of my sqdmates and get all upset and stuffs. its a foolish thing to do. but nevertheless, i think its a pity i wasnt given a chance to serve the unit. sigh. this is sad. i cant believe this is over for me. np's out of my life. this subject which revolved around my life for four whole years, and now its time to part. i cant help but feel a tinge of jealousy in my heart. jealous of those whom are still enjoying the fun of it. jealous of those who can actually continue this amazing journey. however, even if its the end for me, i'll never forget those wonderful times i had with my sqdmates, seniors, juniors and many important people in my life, whom we've come to know of each other, through this core. Thank you pple, for making my life more worthwhile.

many things have happened for the past weeks. exams, family... even so, i chose to put them aside and ignore them. i am not escaping, i just feel all these should be settled and looked into after o's. this is not the time. you can call me selfish, but i just dont want to let those who cares for me down. more importantly, myself. after the many trails in life, i've grown up and matured. i've come to realise that people come and go. it's nothing to be sad about. that's life.

human beings are ugly. two faced. dont deny it. everyone is. dont tell me you have never smiled at someone and in actual fact, you have been gossiping or had said something nasty behind his or her back. its funny to see how humans struggle to get "accepted" by other humans, but not God- who is much greater than any living or non living thing on earth. of course. everyone wants fame. wealth. recognition. it is proven that our lives revolve around nothing but papers. papers and more papers. in case you still do not get what i mean, let me explain it. our life started off with a piece of paper-birthcert. when we get older, and graduate from a pre-school, they give you no diapers but a piece of paper. more and more students are ending their lives because of their results. their "worse than so and so" results. students kill their brain cells and parents spend money on tuitions for excellent results. and what do you get in the end? leaving certs or report book - paper. everywhere on the streets we see people crying cos they are unemployed. families broken. because the bread-winner doesnt have "enough papers" to be qualified for the jobs. when people get married. what proves of this marriage is a piece of paper. when couples divorce, similarly, it becomes a fact when a piece of paper is produced. and you die, your family gets a peice of paper. again. so you see? what are we living for? without papers, this world would be nothing. absolutely nothing. this is how shallow human beings are. naive and silly. we work and work all day to get recognised, and in the end, nothing actually benefits us. as we work and work, we often neglect those who truely cares for us. we never learn how to look back and see things from another point of view. and often regret when it's too late. this is one mistake i've learned never to make again.

thank you for bearing with my stubborness and demanding character all these while. i know theres nothing i can do to change the fact that i have lost you. in my deepest desire, i really enjoyed the times we had, the bonds we made, the memories we shared. even if you dont believe me anymore, gonna talk to me no more, just wanna say i've always regarded you as someone important in my life. and that will never change. take care pal.


friends are friends forever
if the Lord's the Lord of them
and a friend will not say never
cos' the welcome will not end
though its hard to let you go
in the Father's hands we know
that a lifetime's not too long
to live as Friends.