Faith

I have faith that God's going to make everything all right. Yup. Mid-year exam was minor screwup indeed, small liddle itty bitty incy wincy spider crawling up the water spout, waiting for the rain of my super determination and exam-savvy to drown it and flush it down the loo!! (You see, the spider represents all the screwups, which i have decided to believe are minor and insignificant, and the rain represents all the other stuff i do to make up those errors! But of course you knew that, why am i telling you this for?)

Yup, ive prayed about it, and i have faith. I'll just "leave it to God". Cause God decides whatever that's best for you and i! So for all you people who're wondering about what's gonna come out of these damn O levels chinese paper, just say a little prayer, and leave it to God. :P

(okay beishan getting all reflective there and stuff.)

I cant wait for this to end! a few more hours to go! (you!you! stop reminding me i've still got my other papers to sit for) *deranged pulling out of tufts of hair*

Here's a little food for thought.. do the O Levels really matter? Yeah they're useful for getting into college or further education institutes and for a scholarship and all, but i doubt they'll count for much in the real world.. perhaps A Levels is the impt one. i guess your potential employer's going to be more interested in your 1st class honours rather than your 6 points.. (still, i WOULD like a set of nice grades, and stop bluffing, so would you!) Yeah, but personally, i think O Levels is more a "i believe i can do it so i wanna prove it" kind of thing, just would like to prove that, in Eminem's words, "you can do anything you set your mind to" Yup. Its possible and i WILL do it. *growl* (stop lying stop lying) What are your views on the dreaded Os, dear reader?

A thought into the future: I have more or less these choices: 1)work hard, get into sajc and proceed to university to get a medicine degree or something. and i can jolly well be my nurse. 2) study hard as well, get into tp or nyp and take up nursing course. be sent to a hospital and start working. 3) get into any poly. slack my way through. after graduating, work super hard to get into ocs and get a life there. 4) listen to my parents following my brother's footsteps: fly to melbourne, one year of college then university.

jeremish 29:11 says "For I know the plans i have for you, declares the Lord, plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." hmm. (:

molested

i'm really offended. super pissed. gosh. i'm molested. touched my this old freaking ti ko pek! argh. i'm getting all sick. whats your problem? whats your problem? i cant believe such things would happen to me. hey uncle, can you please control your hormones? wanna do such things, go get home and find your wife okay? dont pick on any girls out on the street. under law. this is what you call outrage of modesty. go get a life alright?

I've been thinking about the good old days
Decorated in a candy glaze
Each pretty ink blot panel
Tells a different tale
Each photo on the mantle
Sweet memories that never will go stale

I've been climbing up the walls again
Living with a memory that might have been
So pick me up on a weekday night
We could get together and ride around in
The black and white

I've been thinking about the good old days
My silly clothes and my silly ways
Each drunken drugstore purchase
Each chemical advance
Seven days a weekend
Every day the same old dizzy dance

Here's something every singapore sec 4 kid can identify with: the feeling of dread which hangs over you like a dark cloud from the moment you wake up every morning. "Oh no, I've got one less day to study for chinese O's!" Or when you're watching your favourite show in a sunday afternoon (sinfully guilty, because indulgence is the only way you can reward yourself before a week of studious fight) "oh no, only 8 hours left of freedom.."

Its now 9.48pm, which means i have 1 hour 12 mins to go before burying myself into those books again. Technically, the 1 hour 12 mins count for nothing since dread dread dread fills them, making them as unenjoyable as mugging itself. Sucks man. Havent felt this low in a long while. Maybe it is because i know there will be a mock paper tomorrow. Mayeb its because i know i've not yet touched my work. Maybe its because ive got to give flyers tomorrow. Maybe its because i know next week will suck.

Why will it suck? Because next week, dear reader, is Mugging All Out. The name itself conveys images of no sleep, heavy loads, big piles of worksheets, mock paper every day, pens running out of ink, heat rash inducing, pulling of hair, Revision, revision and more revision. Ahhh sucks.

But then again, once this week is over, once chinese O's is over, there's lots to look forward to. Hmmm mmm. Pray for me, dear reader, as i throw myself straight into the throng, discover new levels of shaggness, overcome new obstacles aplenty, wrestle with the best and worst of the human spirit, and most importantly, attempt to force down new informations from different exam papers!

I shall lead, i shall excel, i shall overcome (hey, isnt that a familiar motto? hahah), i shall survive, and i shall be back to blog of my tales! For they call me.. Van Helsing.
*music plays in the background*

wahahaha! im going nuts. Seeya!

i'm starting to love this.

she chose to walk alone.
though others wondered why.
refused to look before her,
kept eyes cast upwards,
towards the sky.

she didn't have companions.
no need for earthly things.
only wanted freedom,
from what she felt were puppet strings.

she longed to be a bird.
that she might fly away.
she pitied every blade of grass
for planted they would stay.

she longed to be a flame.
that brightly danced alone.
felt jealous of the steam
that made the air its only home.

some say she wished too hard.
some say she wished too long.
but we awoke one autumn day
to find that she was gone.

the trees, they say, stood witness.
the sky refused to tell.
but someone who had seen it
said the story played out well.

she spread her arms out wide.
breathed in the break of dawn.
she just let go of all she held...

and then she was gone.

When Exam Come..

Lord, grant me a quiet heart
before examination starts
Lead me to use my leisure hours
to rejuvenate my powers.

My mind from day dreams liberate
give me the will to concentrate.
From all distractions set me free
that in my studies i may be,

A student with a sole intent
to make my work a sacrament.
From my faint heart in love expel
all failure and dears that there
indwell.

And from my pillow dive away
all dark forebodings of the day.
Help me in faith to rest so deep
that i may have untroubled sleep.

While notes and subjects i prepare
may i not forget to pray.
And may i not forget to look
for daily guidance in Thy Book.

In quietness, confidence and peace
may i have quick and sure release,
from needless fears and
apprehension
from outward strain and tension.

So may examination find
each one alert in heart and mind.
Thus inward joy and peace
possessing
may examinations prove a blessing.

falling apart
it was too numb
to feel the pain inside.
the thought of friends
and love around her
vanished.
in split second.

she goes round searching
searching. searching.
for that glimpse of light.
but its gone
all gone.

no one understands
no one feels for her
she is alone
just alone.

the trust. the faith.
the bond.
destroyed.
a huge wall is building up.
between you and her.

she tries to smile.
tries to forget.

i see her running away
running far far away.
away from everyone.
everything.
into the darkness.

she sits alone
in the corner
thinking
theres no one
she can trust.
she teared.

the mind pulls the corners
of the mouth apart.
the heart bleeds.
is bleeding. not enough.
can't be held responsible.
breathless.
numb.
walk away.

in the end..
it doesn't matter.
she knows.
no one cares.
at all.

this is just for you. i understand how you're feeling inside pal. pull yourself through it. He will be there. I will be there.

Have you ever felt
some kind of emptiness inside
you will never measure up?
to those people
you must be strong
cant show them you're weak.

Have you ever told someone something
that's far from the truth?
let them know that you're okie
just to make them stop
all the wondering,
and questions they may have

Have you ever seen you face in a mirror
theres a smile
But inside you're just a mess,
you feel far from good.
need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand.
never understand.

Have you ever had this wish
of being somewhere else
to let go of your disguise
all your worries too
and from that moment,
then you see things clear.

Are you waiting for the day
when your pain will disappear
when you know that its not true
what they say about you
you could not care less
about the things surrounding you
ignoring all the voices from the walls.

i'm okie. i really am now
just needed some time
to figure things out
not telling lies
i'll be honest with you
still we dont know
whats yet to come..

disguise.

Mr Thomson mentioned something "disturbing" during assembly. (well, to him at least) He said recently theres something call a blog (how recent? gosh) an online diary. and people are misusing it. especially PL girls. He happened to read a few PL girls' blogs, and they are blogging very unpleasantly, and Mrs Lee and himself are very unhappy about it. well. seriously. i dont see anything wrong. i mean, well, a blog. its a diary kind of thing. something private. well. perhaps not really since its online. but still. i guess its rather personal. who are they to disapprove us using this? some people just like to use vulgarities every now and then. alright. look. i'm not saying its good. its cool. but rather. i guess everyone has their own style of writing. speaking. whatsoever. so who are they to be changing us? yes. i'm kind of against the comment he made this morning. but true as it can be, he's right to a certain extent. okie. i think we should cut down or rather stop on the vulgarities we are using. and beware of the things we say. so to assure we would not hurt anyone with our words. thou shall not lambaste. also. be kind. yes. i know i sound so un-beishan-fied. but be kind. yup.

my act of kindness:
i was walking back home when i saw a primary school kid cycling, knocked into the tree. he started whining and screaming (dots). so i went up to check. he hurt his calve. it was bleeding quite badly i would say. then that boy started crying. gosh. you should have seen how i reacted. "dont cry! dont cry!" was what i said the whole time. okie. i want to make things clear. first. i cant stand people crying. i'll really go crazy when anyone cries in front of me. cos of some reasons or so, i always make them cry even harder! -sigh- secondly. it made look as if i'm the one who made him cry. so everyone who walked past gave that why-are-you-bullying-a-primary-school-kid look. you must be wondering why the passer-bys did not stop and help. reason. the boy just happily squat down and cry. and his injured calve was facing the tree. so people cant really see. anyway. a moment later. this fellow came up to me and claimed he's the boy's friend. whoa. my heart lited up. right away man. so i asked him to contact this boy's parents. ok. mean time. i tried to clean the wound for that boy. i would like to admit. this is my first time cleaning someones wound. which is actually quite gross since its kind of bloody. yup. but nevertheless. i did quite a good job. -grinz- so proud of myself! i deserve some praise you know! clap for me. yes. YOU. dont try to act blur. clap for me! hurry!


It's been a long and winding journey,
but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces,
walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory,
where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling,
when i look into your eyes.

Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name.

Brought me here to be with you,
I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)

My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle..

If you could see, what i see,
that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel,
the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here.

gay sebastian

"But God demostrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

yes indeed. Christ was crucified because of our sins. While hanging on the cross, Jesus cried, "It is finished." This meant that the way of salvation was finished. Our sins were paid for. How terrible it is that our sins had caused the death of the perfect Son of God. but because of this. we can now come to God through Jesus Christ. Praise the Lord.


above all powers
above all kings
above all nature
and all created things
above all wisdom
and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

above all kingdoms
above all thrones
above all wonders
the world has ever known
above all wealth
and treasures of the earth
Theres no way to measure what You're worth

crucified
laid behind a stone
You lived, to die
rejected and alone
like a rose
trampled on the ground
You took the fall
and thought of me
above all


"I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5b)
such a wonder promise. yes. He will never leave us. never.

HUGS BEI!
keng.keng.